Board Thread:Fun and Games Forum/@comment-25175520-20150307231018/@comment-24306135-20150428120725

Sauron stared at Scythe suspiciously in turn, eyeing the Cabal meat.

"Scythe, those are our enemies. It's kind of like if I tried to marry a Fallen. It dosen't happen. You do not eat your enemies."

Sauron held up a tube of cheese. "This cheese", he said, "is from approximately 756 years ago, seeing as I stole it from Arnhem when I got time-hopped. And yet, because of the wonders of time travel, it will still be "healthy and hearty" for the next 20 years, according to the packing. Moreover, it is packed with protien, calcium, iron, and other essential nutrients. And so I trust it far more than your-"

Sauron stopped here to mechanically retch and then leapt up from his seat, as he'd seen that Scythe, throughout the talk, had begun slowly chewing off pieces of the meat.

"OH GOD. NO. IT'S BAD FOR YOU! THE PRESRVATIVES. THEY MELT YOUR LIVER!"

Despite Scythe's protestations, Sauron grabbed the jerky, still screaming wildly about "being a doctor and not letting you eat that filth" and just as Scythe leapt onto him, the suddenly paranoid medic threw the jerky out the window and collapsed, scattering food everywhere. Sauron proceeded to curl into a ball on the floor and whimper about "Early 2000s" and "MURICA" and "Shopping malls" before going completely silent.

Ex appeared suddenly, his eye scanner deep red with worry.



He turned to the other Guardians.

<As a "doctor" of sorts, Sauron decided to study the medical history of Pre-Traveler Western culture, specifically America. They did all sorts of terrible things. This "jerky" must have been one of them. Sauron took a bit of damage to his personality core when that Archon tried to play patty-cake with his head, and so seeing Scythe willing eat a food that in that time could quite literally melt your liver and other organs sent his stressed postironic brain into shutdown. It will take a few hours to fix, but it was necessary to wait until Orkrim was stable again. I shouldn't have forgotten. Sorry about the food, Scythe.>